ILLNESS HAPPENS
Encouragement for when you’ve been diagnosed
Hello my dear,
It is hard to be the person who just got the diagnosis. It feels surreal and terrible, and I’m sorry that it’s you. I really am.
Your world has been reordered. You are now at the center of a universe that you weren’t trying to create. But it’s not your fault that things are different now. It will be difficult to ask for the care you deserve. It will be difficult to remember that you are not the bad thing. I know things have changed, but that doesn’t mean you’re less you.
Below you’ll find a small care package we put together to love, support, and encourage you when you’re facing difficult medical news. Or maybe someone you love has been recently diagnosed and you want to be a support. We hope these resources will be of some use and, in the meantime, sending you so much love.
Bless you, my dear, Kate
A Blessing for
You Who Feel Like the Bad Thing
Blessed are you who try to hide your humanity.
You who temper your complaints,
who avoid mentioning your next appointment,
who pretend you are doing better than you are
to make reality a little more palatable for others.
You, who try and try and try to make yourself easier to love, easier to be around, easier to manage.
But, dear one, blessed are you
because you are not the bad thing.
Your illness or grief or despair or addiction is not too much. It’s just your humanity showing.
And blessed are we who get to see it up close.
Who, despite our own fears and reminders of our finitude, get to hold your hand as you face each day with courage as you face things you didn’t choose. It is this kind of courageous living—
the kind that shows all the shabby edges—
that we are so thankful to see up close.
You, blessed one, remind us that life is so beautiful and life is so hard.
And we feel lucky for the privilege to do life with you—no matter how difficult, no matter how messy.
You are not the bad thing.
You are a gift.
And we love every bit of you.
WATCH
So you’ve been diagnosed. What now?
It’s hard to be the person who just got the diagnosis.
WATCH
The Toll of a Diagnosis: A Conversation on Life, Death, and Healing
There are so many people whose lives are impacted by a difficult diagnosis. Kate had the chance to talk to cancer advocate and journalist superstar Katie Couric about it. This lovely mini-documentary talks with a patient (Kate), a widow, and a death doula about the toll a diagnosis takes.
FREE DOWNLOAD
If you need a reminder that you are not the bad thing or you would like to pass this reminder along to someone you love, click on the image. Then save, print, or set as your phone wallpaper.
“Seeing pain up close can give you an experience of awe. It’s like seeing a garment turned inside out and all the rough seams are showing. You see someone’s absolute humanity shine through all the pain, and that vulnerability makes them more, not less, beloved.”
—From Kate’s conversation with writer Suleika Jaouad on the Everything Happens Podcast
READ
When Breath Becomes Air by Dr. Paul Kalanithi
This poignant memoir finds hope and beauty in the face of insurmountable odds as an idealistic young neurosurgeon attempts to answer the question: What makes a life worth living?
Everything Happens for a Reason (And Other Lies I’ve Loved) by Kate Bowler
is Kate’s attempt to reconcile chronic cancer in a society that insists everything happens for a reason. Even when we are stripped of certainty we may recognize that life is hard but beautiful in a way it never has been before.
LISTEN
Everything
Happens Podcast
For when you want someone to acknowledge the pain—Barbara Brown Taylor: Life After Dark
For when the healing takes longer than planned—John Green: Chronic Not Curable
For when you need a boost of hope—David Fajgenbaum: Hope Wears Sneakers
For “new language for walking the borderlands” around pain and sickness—Sunita Puri: The Uncertainty Specialist
For when patience is hard to come by—BJ Miller: Loving What Is
Be the first to know when we release a new resource like this one.
WATCH
You Are Not The Bad Thing
In an American culture that is obsessed with individualism and an exhausting triumphalism, we need each other. We belong to each other. The fact that we are delicate is nothing to hide. So, no, you are not hard to love. You are not too much. You are not the bad thing.
READ
When Your Child is Diagnosed
Kate’s mom wrote this essay about what it is like when your child is the one who is diagnosed.
