loneliness

I am 79 years old. When I was a cheerleader in college I was cute and perky. I am still moderately attractive, but have gained 80 lbs. I have an autoimmune thyroid condition (Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis) that makes it almost impossible to lose weight. I have tried every weight-loss scheme known to man; including 28 times in Weight Watchers, and ALL the rest, including doctor care 6 times. My husband of 28 years left me to marry his secretary and she moved immediately into my former life. I am not bitter and encouraged my two precious grown children to like and include her if they were to have a relationship with their father. They are still married after 25 years. I have been engaged 4 times since my divorce, but when it comes time to set the date I always break up the relationship. Three of the former fiancees are dead and one is married. My grown children and four grandchildren are wonderful, call me frequently and visit me often, though they all live in NY City and I live in Houston. I have a Ph.D. in Education of the Gifted, was Texas Elementary Teacher of the Year in 1990, taught as an adjunct at St. Thomas University and Wharton County College, substituted in Pearland ISD until Covid hit. I have friends in my 55+ active community, yet at night I think about what I do not have. WHY? I have an adorable Yorkie (rescue dog). I am an ordained deacon (three times serving), Stephen Minister, Andrew Minister, but have been without a church since I moved into the community 10 years ago. I have visited several churches, but am insecure about choosing another one now. I am in excellent health, walk daily, yet feel fat. What in the world is wrong with me? I am blessed beyond belief!