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Kate Bowler

ABOUT
- Meet Kate
  Hi, I’m Kate. I’m a Duke professor, podcaster, and author with a single mission: giving you permission to feel human. After years of being told I was incurable, I was declared cancer-free. But there’s no going back. I am forever changed by what I discovered: life is so beautiful and life is so hard. For everyone.
  ABOUT KATE
  Get to Know Me
  HUMAN
  AUTHOR
  PODCAST HOST
  SPEAKER
  How to Connect
  NEWSLETTER
  BOOKING
  EVENTS
  CONTACT
  PRESS
PODCAST
- Everything Happens.
  Are you living your best life now? Not always? This is a podcast for you. Duke Professor Kate Bowler is an expert in the stories we tell about success and failure, suffering and happiness. She had Stage IV cancer. Then she didn’t. And since then, all she wants to do is talk to funny and wise people about how to live with the knowledge that, well, everything happens.
  See All Episodes
  Emi Nietfeld
  The Cost of Survival
  Listen Now The Cost of Survival
  Lisa Damour
  Understanding Today’s Teenagers
  Listen Now Understanding Today’s Teenagers
  Rob Delaney
  A Heart that Works is a Heart that Hurts
  Listen Now A Heart that Works is a Heart that Hurts
  Jenna Bush Hager
  Get in the Game
  Listen Now Get in the Game
BOOKS
- Books
  Let’s untangle our culture’s obsession with toxic positivity and self-help, shall we? Kate studies the cultural stories we tell ourselves about success, suffering, and whether (or not) we’re capable of change. She is the author seven books including three instant New York Times bestsellers.
  All Books
  Everything Happens for a Reason
  (And Other Lies I’ve Loved)
  The Lives We Actually Have
  100 Blessings for Imperfect Days
  No Cure for Being Human
  (And Other Truths I Need to Hear)
RESOURCES
- Resources
  Our goal with Everything Happens is to create rich language and vibrant community that sustains us when life comes apart. Below, you’ll find categories that may be good starting points for you. Inside are a mix of podcasts, blessings, support guides, and bonus resources that we hope will be useful.
  ALL RESOURCES
  Types
  BLESSINGS
  DEVOTIONALS
  SUPPORT GUIDES
  COURSES
  FREE DOWNLOADS
  Topics
  ILLNESS
  GRIEF
  WHAT NOT TO SAY
  RESILIENT FAITH
  INSPIRING LIVES
  NUANCED HOPE
  CARING AT HOME
  CARING AT WORK
  COMPLICATED FAMILIES
  MOVING FORWARD

Resources for Nuanced Hope

Below you’ll find free resources, conversations, blessings, and tools that offer thicker language as we try to be people of hope after something has taken our lives apart.

Blessings for Nuanced Hope

a blessing for your great, big, dumb heart

READ a blessing for your great, big, dumb heart

a blessing for when you might not know how to pray (or want to)

READ a blessing for when you might not know how to pray (or want to)

a blessing for easter Sunday

READ a blessing for easter Sunday

a blessing for palm sunday

READ a blessing for palm sunday

a blessing for when love makes us afraid

READ a blessing for when love makes us afraid

a blessing for when we lose ourselves in other people’s problems

READ a blessing for when we lose ourselves in other people’s problems

a blessing for learning to delight again

READ a blessing for learning to delight again

a blessing for the start of a new school year

READ a blessing for the start of a new school year

a blessing for when faith breaks your heart

READ a blessing for when faith breaks your heart

a blessing for when things don’t add up

READ a blessing for when things don’t add up

a blessing when you want to belong

READ a blessing when you want to belong

a blessing for when things don’t make any sense

READ a blessing for when things don’t make any sense

a blessing for around the table

READ a blessing for around the table

a blessing for when you want to wake up to wonder

READ a blessing for when you want to wake up to wonder

an advent blessing when you need a little hope

READ an advent blessing when you need a little hope

a blessing for christmas day

READ a blessing for christmas day

a blessing for a little boost in the morning

READ a blessing for a little boost in the morning

a blessing for this beautiful, limited day

READ a blessing for this beautiful, limited day

a blessing for the life you have

READ a blessing for the life you have

a blessing for an ordinary day (because something terrible is not happening for once)

READ a blessing for an ordinary day (because something terrible is not happening for once)

a blessing as lent begins

READ a blessing as lent begins

a blessing for easter Sunday

READ a blessing for easter Sunday

a blessing for palm sunday

READ a blessing for palm sunday

a blessing for when you don’t feel #blessed

READ a blessing for when you don’t feel #blessed

a blessing for the in-between

READ a blessing for the in-between

a blessing for becoming real

READ a blessing for becoming real

a blessing for keeping your heart soft when everything is broken

READ a blessing for keeping your heart soft when everything is broken

a blessing for a chaotic season

READ a blessing for a chaotic season

a blessing for learning to hold on and let go

READ a blessing for learning to hold on and let go

a blessing for learning to delight again.

READ a blessing for learning to delight again.

a blessing for when you just need to put one foot in front of the other

READ a blessing for when you just need to put one foot in front of the other

a blessing for the safety of the people of Afghanistan

READ a blessing for the safety of the people of Afghanistan

a blessing for a gentle summer

READ a blessing for a gentle summer

a blessing when hope seems lost

READ a blessing when hope seems lost

a blessing for ordinary people in a world of pain

READ a blessing for ordinary people in a world of pain

a blessing for when disaster strikes

READ a blessing for when disaster strikes

a blessing for when you need a new dream

READ a blessing for when you need a new dream

a blessing for a beautiful terrible day

READ a blessing for a beautiful terrible day

a blessing for waking up to summer

READ a blessing for waking up to summer

a blessing for the gift of doubt

READ a blessing for the gift of doubt

a blessing for a gentle summer

READ a blessing for a gentle summer

a blessing for getting unstuck

READ a blessing for getting unstuck

a blessing for when loving your enemy seems too big of an ask

READ a blessing for when loving your enemy seems too big of an ask

an easter sunday blessing in the not yet

READ an easter sunday blessing in the not yet

a lenten blessing for palm sunday

READ a lenten blessing for palm sunday

a blessing for the advent of peace

READ a blessing for the advent of peace

a blessing for the advent of joy

READ a blessing for the advent of joy

a blessing for the advent of love

READ a blessing for the advent of love

a blessing for the advent of hope

READ a blessing for the advent of hope

a blessing for when the day hasn’t turned around

READ a blessing for when the day hasn’t turned around

a blessing for when they knew and didn’t tell us

READ a blessing for when they knew and didn’t tell us

Show MoreShow Less

Podcast Episodes About Nuanced Hope

Understanding Today’s Teenagers
WITH Lisa Damour
Life Worth Living
WITH Miroslav Volf
To Be Loved Like That
WITH Kwame Alexander
This Place Could be Beautiful, Right?
WITH Maggie Smith
Here’s to the Happies
WITH Kelly Corrigan
Love Mercy
WITH Bryan Stevenson
The Season of Waiting (And Waiting…And Waiting)
WITH Kate Bowler
Wounded Healers
WITH Jay & Katherine Wolf
Survival of the Kindest
WITH Susan Cain

Show MoreShow Less

More Resources by Topic

complicated families

what not to say

resilient faith

inspiring lives

Every week I usually forget most of the basics:
a) you are loved. b) life is absurd. c) it’s hard to be a human.

If you want some smart, kind, and funny encouragement to get you through your week, sign up for my newsletter. I’d love to be your reminder.

Name

First Last

Email(Required)

I’m also interested in church/ministry resources sent monthly.

I’m also interested in church/ministry resources sent monthly.

Follow along on socials

@katecbowler

Blessed are you who are tired
of feeling grateful all of the time.
who feel more comfortable
with moments of rage and negativity
and venting all that you lost.

Blessed are you when you say,
hand on your heart,
That there are truths
you wish you could unlearn
Riches you wish you could get back
The innocence, hope,
the sweet fearless of never having lost.

You are resilient…
but I wish you never had to be.

Your survival cost you.
And it’s okay to name it.
To be grateful AND outraged.

You might never get
the apologies you’re owed.

We long to hear them say it.
I’m sorry. I should have believed you.
I should have sheltered you.
This never should have happened.

The almost truths are difficult to swallow.
Yes we learned so much.
Yes we overcame.
We grew.
But this perspective….
we would give it back.
In a heartbeat.

Bless us God, in our gratitude.
In our anger. In our survival.

And may you, my dear,
be met today with gentleness
And stillness and peace,
Energy, momentum, or rest.
Whatever it takes to carry the weight
of all this resilience.

Inspired by my conversation with the wonderful @eminietfeld. 💫

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Blessed are you who are tired
of feeling grateful all of the time.
who feel more comfortable
with moments of rage and negativity
and venting all that you lost.Blessed are you when you say,
hand on your heart,
That there are truths
you wish you could unlearn
Riches you wish you could get back
The innocence, hope,
the sweet fearless of never having lost.You are resilient…
but I wish you never had to be.Your survival cost you.
And it’s okay to name it.
To be grateful AND outraged.You might never get
the apologies you’re owed.We long to hear them say it.
I’m sorry. I should have believed you.
I should have sheltered you.
This never should have happened.The almost truths are difficult to swallow.
Yes we learned so much.
Yes we overcame.
We grew.
But this perspective….
we would give it back.
In a heartbeat.Bless us God, in our gratitude.
In our anger. In our survival.And may you, my dear,
be met today with gentleness
And stillness and peace,
Energy, momentum, or rest.
Whatever it takes to carry the weight
of all this resilience.Inspired by my conversation with the wonderful @eminietfeld. 💫

This is all cheeks and dental account whenever @kenjeong is in town.

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This is all cheeks and dental account whenever @kenjeong is in town.

@EmiNietfeld carefully interrogates what it really means to “overcome” anything.

It makes us all feel less alone when we can say honestly:

“Some things can be conquered. And some things conquer us.”

What was your favorite moment from our conversation? And have you ever felt like you can’t say that you didn’t “get over” something unscathed?

1018 31

@EmiNietfeld carefully interrogates what it really means to “overcome” anything.It makes us all feel less alone when we can say honestly:“Some things can be conquered. And some things conquer us.”What was your favorite moment from our conversation? And have you ever felt like you can’t say that you didn’t “get over” something unscathed?

Fair warning: If I offer to bring a picnic, I’ll need 234 pieces of tupperware for the cheese. Sorry, you wanted FOOD and not just a cheese board? Well, I also brought wine. Is that what you were asking?

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Fair warning: If I offer to bring a picnic, I’ll need 234 pieces of tupperware for the cheese. Sorry, you wanted FOOD and not just a cheese board? Well, I also brought wine. Is that what you were asking?

Well if it isn’t my favorite Mary Laura of all possible Mary Lauras! I met this delightful human after she wrote the book “Bomb Shelter,” and she came on the Everything Happens podcast to talk about motherhood and creativity and living with uncertainty. And I *immediately* wanted to be her friend but this was my very first chance to go for dinner if she could tolerate me in person.

Me: Are you sure this romper isn’t too rompy? I think this is a nice restaurant.

Her: It’s great! It’s yellow! It’s perfect!

Me: I feel like it might be too “I wish I was on a beach but I’m not I’m in this air conditioned restaurant.”

Her: It is going to change everything. But wait, I want to call the restaurant to see where to park.

She calls. No one picks up. The voicemail message plays for us over the car loudspeaker.

Restaurant Voicemail: Parking is on the street. And the dress code for the restaurant is… “resort casual.”

We screamed. We screamed unnecessarily. I was resort casual. The evening was going to be perfect.

@marylauraphilpott, I love you and every chance to scream with you about nothing. And thank you for calling me a delicious starfish.

1996 50

Well if it isn’t my favorite Mary Laura of all possible Mary Lauras! I met this delightful human after she wrote the book “Bomb Shelter,” and she came on the Everything Happens podcast to talk about motherhood and creativity and living with uncertainty. And I *immediately* wanted to be her friend but this was my very first chance to go for dinner if she could tolerate me in person.Me: Are you sure this romper isn’t too rompy? I think this is a nice restaurant.Her: It’s great! It’s yellow! It’s perfect!Me: I feel like it might be too “I wish I was on a beach but I’m not I’m in this air conditioned restaurant.”Her: It is going to change everything. But wait, I want to call the restaurant to see where to park.She calls. No one picks up. The voicemail message plays for us over the car loudspeaker.Restaurant Voicemail: Parking is on the street. And the dress code for the restaurant is… “resort casual.”We screamed. We screamed unnecessarily. I was resort casual. The evening was going to be perfect.@marylauraphilpott, I love you and every chance to scream with you about nothing. And thank you for calling me a delicious starfish.

What does it really mean to “survive” when what you survive… lingers?

@EmiNietfeld went from being homeless to graduating from Harvard. But the rags-to-riches myth isn’t ever completely true. It skips over the hardest parts—complicated families, long-term trauma on brains and bodies, the ways we wish we could go back and undo what has been done.

Emi has an incredible story to tell about resilience—what it is, and what it isn’t. You’re going to love the way she talks about the power of trying. And the ways she learned to get back up….even though she never should have had to.

Listen to our conversation wherever you get your podcasts. You are going to LOVE her.

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What does it really mean to “survive” when what you survive… lingers?
@EmiNietfeld went from being homeless to graduating from Harvard. But the rags-to-riches myth isn’t ever completely true. It skips over the hardest parts—complicated families, long-term trauma on brains and bodies, the ways we wish we could go back and undo what has been done.
Emi has an incredible story to tell about resilience—what it is, and what it isn’t. You’re going to love the way she talks about the power of trying. And the ways she learned to get back up….even though she never should have had to.
Listen to our conversation wherever you get your podcasts. You are going to LOVE her.

How do we know if our teenager is okay? @Lisa.Damour offers a more reassuring definition of what it means to be mentally well.

Hint: it’s about having the right-sized feelings that fit the situation at hand and managing those feelings effectively NOT about being HAPPY all of the time.

3911 63

How do we know if our teenager is okay? @Lisa.Damour offers a more reassuring definition of what it means to be mentally well.
Hint: it’s about having the right-sized feelings that fit the situation at hand and managing those feelings effectively NOT about being HAPPY all of the time.

Bless you who love a teenager.
You whose worries about them
keep you up at night.
wondering if you’re doing it right,
if they’re going to be okay,
if you over-reacted or under-reacted.
If you’re going to make it
through tomorrow without losing it.
Or how you’re going to have
that hard conversation without them
shutting down or shutting you out.

Bless you in this hard, beautiful work.

In those moments of big feelings,
may you remember to take a beat and offer a:
“If I was in your shoes, I’d feel the same way.”
(Even when you’re tempted to give them advice
or to solve their problem for them.
Or to offer how they could have
avoided the problem in the first place.)

Bless you in your restraint.

May you know when to intervene and
when to stay that steady, calm presence
that will offer them the grounding
to grow and change their mind and make mistakes.
May you have the patience to affirm their normal
(sometimes very big) feelings
and may your constant love
relieve their fears (and yours).
May laughter and joy fill your home,
fueling even the hardest of moments
or most difficult of conversations.

And bless all of you who wish
you would have gotten this kind of parenting.
And bless you who want to do it differently,
even when it’s imperfect.

Bless you my dears.

Inspired by my conversation
with the brilliant @lisa.damour.

7368 146

Bless you who love a teenager.
You whose worries about them
keep you up at night.
wondering if you’re doing it right,
if they’re going to be okay,
if you over-reacted or under-reacted.
If you’re going to make it
through tomorrow without losing it.
Or how you’re going to have
that hard conversation without them
shutting down or shutting you out.Bless you in this hard, beautiful work.In those moments of big feelings,
may you remember to take a beat and offer a:
“If I was in your shoes, I’d feel the same way.”
(Even when you’re tempted to give them advice
or to solve their problem for them.
Or to offer how they could have
avoided the problem in the first place.)Bless you in your restraint.May you know when to intervene and
when to stay that steady, calm presence
that will offer them the grounding
to grow and change their mind and make mistakes.
May you have the patience to affirm their normal
(sometimes very big) feelings
and may your constant love
relieve their fears (and yours).
May laughter and joy fill your home,
fueling even the hardest of moments
or most difficult of conversations.And bless all of you who wish
you would have gotten this kind of parenting.
And bless you who want to do it differently,
even when it’s imperfect.Bless you my dears.Inspired by my conversation
with the brilliant @lisa.damour.

If you are reading this you have great eyesight. But also, thanks for being a person with me. The world is strange and hard for soft-hearted humans, but I think you’re a delight.

© 2023 Kate Bowler
Development by Penner Web Design

About
Resources
Contact
Podcasts
Books
Mural
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Newsletter
Blessings

Everything Happens.

Browse by topic

Complicated Families

grief

resilient faith

what not to say

moving forward

Illness

nuanced hope

caring at home

inspiring lives

caring at work

ABOUT
- Meet Kate
  Hi, I’m Kate. I’m a Duke professor, podcaster, and author with a single mission: giving you permission to feel human. After years of being told I was incurable, I was declared cancer-free. But there’s no going back. I am forever changed by what I discovered: life is so beautiful and life is so hard. For everyone.
  ABOUT KATE
  Get to Know Me
  HUMAN
  AUTHOR
  PODCAST HOST
  SPEAKER
  How to Connect
  NEWSLETTER
  BOOKING
  EVENTS
  CONTACT
  PRESS
PODCAST
- Everything Happens.
  Are you living your best life now? Not always? This is a podcast for you. Duke Professor Kate Bowler is an expert in the stories we tell about success and failure, suffering and happiness. She had Stage IV cancer. Then she didn’t. And since then, all she wants to do is talk to funny and wise people about how to live with the knowledge that, well, everything happens.
  See All Episodes
  Emi Nietfeld
  The Cost of Survival
  Listen Now The Cost of Survival
  Lisa Damour
  Understanding Today’s Teenagers
  Listen Now Understanding Today’s Teenagers
  Rob Delaney
  A Heart that Works is a Heart that Hurts
  Listen Now A Heart that Works is a Heart that Hurts
  Jenna Bush Hager
  Get in the Game
  Listen Now Get in the Game
BOOKS
- Books
  Let’s untangle our culture’s obsession with toxic positivity and self-help, shall we? Kate studies the cultural stories we tell ourselves about success, suffering, and whether (or not) we’re capable of change. She is the author seven books including three instant New York Times bestsellers.
  All Books
  Everything Happens for a Reason
  (And Other Lies I’ve Loved)
  The Lives We Actually Have
  100 Blessings for Imperfect Days
  No Cure for Being Human
  (And Other Truths I Need to Hear)
RESOURCES
- Resources
  Our goal with Everything Happens is to create rich language and vibrant community that sustains us when life comes apart. Below, you’ll find categories that may be good starting points for you. Inside are a mix of podcasts, blessings, support guides, and bonus resources that we hope will be useful.
  ALL RESOURCES
  Types
  BLESSINGS
  DEVOTIONALS
  SUPPORT GUIDES
  COURSES
  FREE DOWNLOADS
  Topics
  ILLNESS
  GRIEF
  WHAT NOT TO SAY
  RESILIENT FAITH
  INSPIRING LIVES
  NUANCED HOPE
  CARING AT HOME
  CARING AT WORK
  COMPLICATED FAMILIES
  MOVING FORWARD