let go, let it all go except, of course, when you can’t.
living in the present is nice in theory. except when you are in pain.
so let’s bless that tension, the push pull of wanting to let go, sometimes needing to let go, and also needing to hold on.
God, sometimes it feels like a better person wouldn’t be like this: tethered to so many hopes. and fears. and expectations.
blessed are we when we yearn, yearn for connection and love and touch.
blessed are we when we hunger for the beauty of life itself and the people to fill it.
blessed are we when we are unable to say, I’m letting it go. because we feel like we will be washed away into an ocean of nothingness.
teach us to hold on to the truths that enliven our spirits and fill our souls, and loosen our grip on the painful untruths. like that we are alone, or unlovable. or that desire itself is the enemy.
teach us to hunger for what is good and be filled.
there will be no easy addition and subtraction. we will lose and we will gain and almost none of it will make much sense at the time, and it forces our hands open.
in the ebb and flow of wins and losses, comings and goings, we look for divine love in the mystery of it all, the stubbornness of flowers that still smile at us at the grocery store,
and the need for endless small reminders that the pain of it all, the comedy of it all, keeps us wide, wide awake.