God, I can’t tell which person I will be today:
kind and loving,
turn-the-other-cheek and I’ll-be-right-here,
soft but strong.
I will keep no record of wrongs.
I might be someone else entirely:
brittle and judgmental,
I’m-taking-my-share and you-deal-with-it-alone,
hard but weak.
I will keep every record, dammit.
I am an accountant in this world
that does not give me what I need.
God, these multiple selves, you know
(of course you know) are parts of a whole.
You send the love I have to give.
You grieve the pain that causes me to withhold.
You send your spirit every day
not to stitch us back together
but to heal every tender part from the inside out.
So, in the meantime, bless this generous self,
bless this breakable self,
Bless these many parts and make them whole.
P.S. As Jessica always says, sometimes you just need to eat a banana and take a walk.