a blessing when you’re not getting any better

God, I’ve finally got the memo.
I’m not nearly the person I thought I’d be.
And this life is not
what I would have picked.  

O God, yet I desire the good
that still could be.
show me the way o Lord.

God have mercy.
Christ have mercy.
Spirit have mercy.

Lord, I know that people’s lives
are not their own;
it is not for them to direct their steps.
Jeremiah 10:23 NIV

God have mercy.
Christ have mercy.
Spirit have mercy.

Blessed are we who find it a relief to say
God, i have come to the end
of my perfectibility project.
some things are just not possible,
yet I desire a part
in the good that might yet be.
Show me how this works
in the body that i now inhabit,
within the walls of circumstance,
in these short years and finite strength,
and with these eyes that see only so far.

God you know I have glimpsed
something of the glory
that streamed to us
at the birth of Jesus,
a geometry of love
that was angled perfectly
to reach even me,
and i have seen th e evil
that broke Jesus on the cross,
and the impossible truth
that it was death
that ended up being broken.

So God, how does all this glory
fit in the small space that is my life—
my particular life? How does all that eternity and possibility
express itself in one so limited?

Ah God, I should have asked sooner
….it’s the other way around.
I fit into You, the One who is enough,
who restores and sustains the cosmos,
while i am a part, drawing life from You
like a branch on a tree that has no idea
why it is growing in place,
how it is supported by roots
or balanced by the other branches.

God, there is staying to do,
and growing to do in this very place.
refresh me, nourish me,
that Your purpose be fulfilled,
and help me trust You
even if i can’t see it happen.

Keep asking. Keep listening.
God is closer to us
than we are to ourselves.

Remain in me
and I will remain in You.
John 15:4