CAREGIVING HAPPENS
For those giving care or experiencing caregiving fatigue
Hello my dear,
Caregivers. The people whose hearts are broken when life comes apart. When I got sick, it took me a while to realize that I wasn’t alone in this. There were so many people around me who were carrying me, and frankly, sometimes they got tired too. Yet the work and advocacy and scheduling and meds continue. We’ve made this resource page with you in mind. I hope that these videos, podcast episodes, and blessings will be a comfort to you as you carry so many thankless burdens that you can’t put down. Yours is a love that sticks.
Bless you,
Kate
A Blessing for
Caregivers
From The Lives We Actually Have: 100 Blessings for Imperfect Days
blessed are we
for whom the call to loving action is still strong,
whose every urge is to keep going, keep working,
and not to count the cost.
and yet blessed are we,
beginning to notice that we are slowing down, inexplicably,
or just pausing, staring for no reason,
or starting something,
but then quickly turning to another demand.
blessed are we,
realizing that we are beginning to lose the thread.
blessed are we who say
I really can’t keep going like this,
at this pace, under this weight,
and also, the momentum is so strong, I can’t stop.
God, come and be the hands that sit me down
and keep me there long enough
for me to really feel what I feel,
and know what I know.
come and be the wisdom
to find the support system that is broad enough,
kind enough, effective enough to meet the needs that are here
– both mine and theirs.
come and be the peace that frees me
to let my hands lie gently open awhile,
the grace to just receive.
seek the rest you need, and a little bit more.
it is a sacred space.
WATCH
A Note to Caregivers
There’s not enough language for being right up alongside pain. But sometimes we find we need a lot less language than we thought and instead we just need somebody who can just be close to us, regardless of whether they have the right words.
I hope this video gives you some ways to care for those you love who are going through something terrible. Tragedy creates huge ripples in all of our lives, so bless you for living up close.
FOLLOW
The Negative Space
Created by Allison Breininger, The Negative Space shines light on the realities of caregiving, provides direct services to caregivers, and educates and equips those who support them with concrete tools and strategies. Allison has been caregiving for her husband since 2010 and has experienced firsthand that caregivers are in the negative space: vital yet overlooked and unsupported. Fueled by what she saw, Allison created The Negative Space as a way to use her experience and skills to change the way caregivers are seen and supported.
FOLLOW
Courageous Parents Network
Courageous Parents Network is a non-profit organization that orients and empowers parents and others caring for children with serious illness, by providing resources (videos, podcasts, and printable guides) and tools that reflect the experience and perspective of other families and clinicians.
WATCH
The Ring Theory
The person primarily affected by a diagnosis or suffering is at the center of the ring and there are concentric circles around them in an ecology of care. Where do you fit into that ecology?
LISTEN
Everything
Happens Podcast
For when you live with the enduringness of recovery, caregiving, and care-receiving—Wounded Healers with Jay and Katherine Wolf
Jay and Katherine Wolf were 26 years old, newly married, and brand new parents when Katherine survived a brain stem stroke that upended their lives. That was fifteen years ago. Today, they continue to live with the enduringness of recovery, caregiving, and care-receiving, all while trying to maintain hope. Theirs is a story of commitment and love in the face of tremendous odds.
For when you need help managing your limited capacity—Worthy of Boundaries with Melissa Urban
Melissa Urban’s (CEO of The Whole30) experience of chronic illness forced her to accept her body’s limitations. You are going to love her practical advice for setting healthy boundaries as a way to protect our relationships, manage our limited capacity (especially for those of us navigating chronic pain or illness or caregiving), and remind ourselves of our inherent worth (regardless of how much you can do).
For when you need acknowledgement that your beautiful love is not without a cost—True Believers with Mark Lukach
Mark Lukach felt like he was hit with a tsunami when his beautiful marriage was upended by mental illness. With one diagnosis, he lost his wife and gained a lifelong patient. Mark and Kate explore the cost of caregiving and the importance of finding the true believers who will love through it all.
For when you are the caregiver for your adult child and need community—Mythbusting Parenting with Cammie McGovern
Writer Cammie McGovern’s oldest son, Ethan, was diagnosed with autism as a small child. Soon though, he was not just a toddler learning how to play or a child needing adjustments in the classroom. He is an adult who wants to participate in the world, and Cammie is still determined to learn what it means to be an advocate for him and others living with disabilities as they enter adulthood.
For when the world doesn’t love and understand your child like you do—Whole and Holy with Heather Lanier
Heather Lanier’s daughter was born with a rare genetic syndrome, she learned that the world will not always see her beloved as good. In this conversation, Kate and Heather discuss how maybe it’s okay that we are not summed up on bell curves. Perhaps the exact bodies in which we dwell are whole enough.
A Blessing for
Care-giving and Care-Receiving
Sometimes bodies or minds come undone
and you are carried by a caregiver (often literally).
Whether you wanted this or not,
you have been given the great gift of a Witness Bearer
(or Med Tracker or Insurance Battler or More-Ice-Chips-Please Fetcher).
But other times,
you haven’t found a partner.
Or you never married. Or they left.
Or your person died.
Or you feel like a burden to ask for the help you need.
Bless you, you who are so worth caring for.
You are worth having your needs met.
You are worth shuttling to all of those appointments
and having someone to complain to about another day
of the same unresolved problem.
Your pain does not disqualify you from love.
And to the care-givers who continue to put another’s needs before your own.
Bless you.
We know this isn’t what you had imagined for your life either.
That sometimes you are so tired or lonely or burned out.
But you serve and support and show up, anyway.
You are worth having your needs met too.
But you often don’t. Because this is what the day requires.
This is what love requires.
Bless you all. All you care-givers and care-receivers.
You who do the hard work of love and hope-making.
May you receive the love you so freely give others
and then a little extra (because too much love is never enough).