support guidE
for
break-up, divorce,
or heartbreak
Hello dear one,
Heartbreak is its own kind of grief—a death without a funeral. No casseroles. No sympathy cards. Just a life that looks mostly the same… except it’s anything but.
And somehow the world keeps turning. People post vacation photos. Your ex looks suspiciously cheerful on social media (rude). And you’re left holding the sharp edges of a life you didn’t choose.
It’s lonely here. And different. And maybe it’s exactly what needed to happen, and you wish you could say that out loud too. There aren’t always words for what you’re experiencing.
But as you gather up what remains, I hope you know this isn’t the end of your story. Love is still here. God is still here. There is more for you still.
We’ve put together a small series of resources—some conversations and gentle words for the road ahead.
No easy answers. Just good company.
With love,
Kate
A blessing for a break-up, divorce, or heartbreak
We made plans, Lord.
We strung our hopes together
like glass beads on a cord.
I poured myself into the shape
of that love, Lord,
and it changed me.
Without them, I might have been…
who knows?
Someone more.
Someone less.
Friends (bless them) will say:
“GOOD FOR YOU. You are better off.”
And I will nod,
except at the bit I can’t admit:
I miss the terrible familiarity of who I was.
Who we were.
Who we imagined ourselves to be.
When I step back, I can see how,
iin this relationship,
some of my best qualities
grew bright and strong.
I could be courageous and kind,
forgiving and openhearted.
But standing before you, Lord,
I can see how my body curls around
the wounds they left behind:
bitterness and embarrassment,
worry streaked with despair.
I miss them.
I ache to feel the familiarity of their love.
I am tripping over every mention
of the future alone.
Today feels like a funeral without a body.
Walk me through the motions, God–
grief and fear and love–
until I can leave the worst behind.
Love me into a wholeness
I couldn’t possibly imagine
here, now,
in the shadow of their love.
(Have a Beautiful, Terrible Day, p. 72)
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WATCH
There’s a particular kind of grief that comes when you lose someone who’s still living. When the person you built a life with, all the shared jokes, routines, meals, dreams, becomes someone you wave to across a chasm you didn’t mean to dig. In this conversation, Jamie talks about the honest, beautiful, complicated ache of loving, losing, and learning how to live in the after. Even when it’s for the best, it doesn’t mean it’s not a thousand little losses.
You can listen to their conversation, here.
READ
You Could Make This Place Beautiful
by Maggie Smith
Poet Maggie Smith explores the disintegration of her marriage and her renewed commitment to herself in lyrical vignettes that shine, hard and clear as jewels. Smith interweaves snapshots of a life with meditations on secrets, anger, forgiveness, and narrative itself. It is an unflinching look at what it means to live and write our own lives. It is a story about a mother’s fierce and constant love for her children and a woman’s love and regard for herself.
READ
The Beauty in Breaking
by Michele Harper
The Beauty in Breaking is the poignant true story of Michele Harper’s journey toward self-healing. Her marriage at an end, Harper began her new life in a new city, in a new job, as a newly single woman. In the ensuing years, as Harper learned to become an effective ER physician. By bringing insight and empathy to every patient encounter, she came to understand that each of us is broken—physically, emotionally, spiritually. How we recognize those breaks, how we try to mend them, and where we go from there are all crucial parts of the healing process.
READ
Why Fathers Cry at Night: A Memoir in Love Poems, Letters, Recipes, and Remembrances
by Kwame Alexander
In his memoir, Kwame Alexander explores stories of his parents and his own relationships. He grapples with the unraveling of his marriage and the grief of his mother’s passing, weaving together memories of his past to try and understand his greatest love: his daughters.
READ
Two-Hug Day
by Rebecca Honig-Briggs
This Sesame Street storybook is designed to support young children navigating the emotional challenges of parental separation or divorce. Through the experiences of a character named Niko, the story gently illustrates that while family routines may change, the love from both parents remains constant. This resource encourages families to create comforting rituals—like giving a hug when transitioning between homes—to help children feel secure and cherished during times of change.
READ
No Filter: the Good, the Bad, and the Beautiful
by Paulina Porizkova
Born in Cold War Czechoslovakia, Paulina Porizkova rose to prominence as a model, appearing on her first Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover in 1984. In these essays, Porizkova bares her soul and shares the lessons she’s learned—often the hard way. This is a wise and compelling exploration of heartbreak, grief, beauty, aging, relationships, re-invention and finding your purpose.
“I predated my marriage, which is important to remember, and I have outlasted it.” –Maggie Smith
—From Kate’s conversation with Maggie Smith, on the episode This Place Could be Beautiful, Right?, Everything Happens Podcast
LISTEN
Jamie Lee: Weddings, Divorces, and Loves that Carry Us
Comedian Jamie Lee is now Netflix’s The Wedding Coach, where she’s on a mission to help couples survive the craziness of planning a wedding. A wedding is an event, but a marriage is not an event. During the filming of the show, Jamie’s own relationship began to unravel. In this episode, Kate and Jamie discuss the micro-griefs of a divorce and ways to show love to people experiencing this particular kind of loss.
LISTEN
Maggie Smith: This Place Could be Beautiful, Right?
Maggie Smith, poet and author, chronicles the aftermath of a painful divorce she didn’t see coming. How do we raise our kids in the wake of such change? And how do we reconcile who we are and who we are becoming?
LISTEN
Kwame Alexander:
To Be Loved Like That
How do we have the difficult and beautiful and heart-wrenching conversations we have (or should be having) with the people we love and the ones who love us, including our kids? Kate and Kwame Alexander, poet and bestselling author, discuss how we can’t outrun our grief.
LISTEN
Paulina Porizkova:
Complicated Grief and Complicated Love
Grief and pain come to us all, and in those moments, we need our shared humanity to build a bridge back to others. Kate and Paulina Porizkova discuss how to show up to friends in unsolvable pain and why “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is just plain wrong.
LISTEN
Melinda Gates:
That Clearing in Between
Some seasons leave us feeling undone. A marriage ends. A child grows up. A job shifts. And we’re no longer who we were… not yet who we’ll become. Melinda French Gates has lived through life’s biggest changes. In this conversation, she reflects on staying open in the in-between, holding your own hand through uncertainty, leaning on truth-tellers—and how “good enough” might just be the way forward.
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CONSIDER THIS
- What kind of permission do you feel when you treat heartbreak like grief? Maybe you find great comfort in small rituals. What if you wore black for a little? What if you felt comfortable bringing them up ALL THE TIME to a good friend and giving yourself an opportunity to grieve more openly? Suffering always feels a touch ridiculous, but trust me, it’s better to air it out than box it up.
- In her conversation with Paulina Porizkova, Kate says that it takes a particular kind of courage not just to live through a horrible thing, but to keep going and growing amidst it. What keeps you going when life keeps being changed around you?
- How do we begin living in the aftermath of our lives when the stories we’ve clung to about who we are and who we’ve been and who we’re becoming come unraveled?
