God, I am angry and hurt and so incredibly sad.
The very people who were supposed to love me and know me best
have let me down.
I don’t know if I’ll be able to let this go
or find a way forward.
I am losing my sense of home.
And the reality of it all fills me with a kind of fear.
However big, however small,
this pain always feels… unforgivable.
I know they are only human (really, I know),
but their mistakes feel like they echo through me.
They strike a painful chord that rings on and on.
I feel convinced, all at once,
that I am not loved, not known, not safe.
I feel small, all over again.
So bless me, God, when tears prick at my eyes,
and I feel lost to myself.
Bring me home.
Remind me of the places you’ve brought me,
the person I’ve become, when I feel your light and peace.
Forgive them for me when I can’t
and send some grace for this moment,
to keep my heart from breaking
or my temper from rising,
or any sentence from starting with “YOU ALWAYS…”
You remember me when I am a stranger to myself,
and an outsider at my own address.
This blessing is from our NEW book of blessings, “The Lives We Actually Have” (coming 2/14/23) and a huge thank you to Julia Samuel for offering us such wisdom and grace for how to navigate complicated family dynamics. Listen to my conversation with Julia here.