support guidE

for

when your child is in pain or grieving

Hello,

There is nothing more gut-wrenching than watching your child in pain. Every caregiver knows that helpless, pit-of-the-stomach ache when you realize there’s no fixing this—not the grief, the diagnosis, the impossible feeling of being small in a world that doesn’t make sense.

Maybe you’re holding a child who is learning what loss feels like for the first time. Maybe your family is facing the unbearable weight of a fresh diagnosis, or you’re answering tough questions about the death of someone they love. Or maybe your day-to-day is spent with young hearts trying to make sense of their limited agency in a big, complicated world.

You love your kid fiercely, and in all of it, you refuse to let them carry their pain alone. Thank you for staying in it with them—for your steady faithfulness, for showing up even when the ache feels unbearable. For refilling the goldfish crackers, finding the words for another hard conversation, folding one more load of laundry while the weight of the world presses in. This is holy work.

We’ve put together a small support guide filled with resources, gentle language, and encouragement to help you keep going—because showing up for your kid, even in their hardest moments, is love at its purest.

Bless you, my dear,
Kate


A blessing for when your child is in pain

O God, my child is hurting and I can’t make it better.

O God, please come and ease the suffering, and show me if there is something I can do.

God have mercy.
Christ have mercy.
Spirit have mercy.


Blessed are we who open our hands to You, O God, these useless hands that can do nothing.

Blessed are we, released from the isolation of sorrow and given grace to pray:

O God, this is Your child too.
You know every cell in this one You have made,
every movement of heart and mind, every need before it becomes thought.

O God of power, in You all things hold together.
I lift to You this one, this precious child whose
body, mind, and soul you created.

Bring every cell, every system into order,
that there be soundness, wholeness, and unity. Restore beauty and resilience and hope, and let good days return!

Bring to bear any outside influence or resource that could make a difference,
and make it effective, selfless, swift, and strong.

Blessed are we who pray: create moment by moment, for a bridge from suffering to relief, from distress to comfort, from loneliness to loving community, from the depths to level ground and for a life that can function, grow, bless, and be blessed.

Let your prayers come and go with each painful reminder.
That is the thing you can do. Then rest.

“Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.” –Victor Hugo

From THE LIVES WE ACTUALLY HAVE, page 128

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WATCH

Kate Bowler and Glennon Doyle dive into one of the rawest parts of parenting—the fear that no matter how hard we try, we can’t protect our kids from pain. Kate and Glennon talk about the paradox of pain—how it’s the thing we’d do anything to avoid, yet it’s what shapes the kind of people we hope our kids will become: brave, wise, kind. They explore that impossible tension—wishing we could create a world without suffering, but learning to believe that maybe love isn’t about erasing pain, but about helping guide each other through it.

You can listen to their conversation, here.


READ

My Child Is in an Impossible Place, and I Am There With Her

By Sarah Wildman

How do you explain the unexplainable to the ones you love most? In this deeply moving reflection, Sarah Wildman shares her family’s journey navigating her daughter Orli’s liver cancer. Over three years, Sarah and her partner, Ian, have faced the unimaginable—learning to balance honesty with hope, clarity with restraint, and despair with joy as they guide their children through the uncharted territory of illness.


READ

Raising a Rare Girl

A Memoir by Heather Lanier


Heather Lanier dreamed of being the perfect mom to a healthy and happy ‘SuperBaby.’ When her daughter was diagnosed with a rare genetic syndrome, this dream quickly changed. Lanier writes vividly about learning to recognize the wholeness of her child’s story and growing into an advocate for her daughter. This memoir is a resource for other families who are journeying with medically-complex children or young people with special needs.


READ

A Heart That Works

by Rob Delaney

Actor and producer Rob Delaney documents the diagnosis of his toddler, Henry, and his family’s journey through treatment and hospice care. This memoir combines honesty, dark humor, and poignant language to capture the grief of an entire family. Delaney’s perspective can also be useful to parents seeking to care for the siblings of ill or deceased children.


READ

Goodbye: A First Conversation About Grief

by Megan Madison, Jessica Ralli, and Isabel Roxas

For ages 2-5 years old for starting conversations about feelings of grief

This beautifully illustrated picture book gently introduces young children to the complex topic of grief, using clear language and compelling visuals to spark understanding. Developed by early childhood experts, it offers a supportive framework for adults to begin meaningful conversations about loss in a safe and informed manner. With thoughtful backmatter and interactive text, it encourages emotional awareness and helps normalize discussions about death and difficult feelings.


READ

Badger’s Parting Gifts

by Susan Varley

For ages 4-9 about the death of a loved one

This heartfelt story follows woodland creatures as they grieve the loss of their beloved friend, Badger, and learn to cherish the memories he left behind. Told with warmth and honesty, it offers comfort and insight, fostering communication and understanding between children and their caregivers during difficult times. Endorsed by Child Bereavement UK, this timeless classic is an invaluable resource for supporting children through loss.


READ

Ida, Always

by Caron Levis

For ages 4-11 about illness, grief, death of a loved one

Ida, Always is a tender and beautifully told story about friendship, illness, and loss, inspired by two real polar bears from the Central Park Zoo. As Gus faces the heartbreaking reality of Ida’s illness, their shared moments of comfort, laughter, and love help him learn that cherished memories keep loved ones close, even after they’re gone. Written by Caron Levis, a licensed master social worker, this offers a compassionate way to help children understand grief and find hope in remembering.


READ

The Invisible String

by Patrice Karst

For ages 3-8 about separation anxiety, loss, and grief

Karst tells a heartwarming story in which a mother explains to her children that they are always connected to loved ones through an invisible string made of love, even when they are apart. With its simple yet profound message, this bestselling book is widely embraced by parents, educators, therapists, and social workers, offering a comforting way to explore the enduring bonds we share with those we care about.


READ

A Terrible Thing Happened

by Margaret M. Holmes

For ages 5-9 for kids who have experienced trauma or violence

This gently told story follows Sherman, a young raccoon who struggles with difficult emotions after witnessing a traumatic event until a caring adult helps him express and process his feelings. The book emphasizes the importance of talking about such experiences to prevent long-term emotional harm. With tender illustrations and an afterword offering guidance and resources for caregivers, it provides a compassionate toolkit to support children in understanding and healing from trauma.

“I think I felt that way too about pain. If I could show my son that there is meaning and beauty and strength in the middle of the terrible, then maybe his terrible will be, if not always bearable, then knowable and even just like mappable, as like a geography that he will have to walk through too.”

—From Kate’s conversation with Glennon Doyle, on the episode, The Love Bridge, Everything Happens Podcast


LISTEN

Sesame Street & Sherrie Westin: How Do We Talk to Kids About Hard Things?

Kate and Sherrie Westin, the CEO of Sesame Street, discuss the challenges of talking with kids about big topics. Parents and caregivers want to make their children feel safe, but Westin insists that engaging tough topics directly, rather than hiding information, is crucial to emotional safety.


LISTEN

Mary Laura Philpott:
Everybody has Something

When it comes to parenting in a world where safety isn’t guaranteed, where you can’t promise your child will grow up untouched by the hard edges of life—how do we balance love and worry? When author Mary Laura Philpott’s son was diagnosed with epilepsy, she faced the tender challenge of helping him see a powerful truth: everyone has something.


LISTEN

Kristen Howerton:
World’s Okayest Mom

Idealization impacts modern parenthood, but according to Kate and Kristen, this is often detrimental. How do we develop honest expectations and language about what it means to raise children? Kristen argues that by embracing a non-perfect, non-glossy image of life, we’re better equipped to be honest with young people and ourselves.


LISTEN

Justin Yopp and Don Rosenstein:
The Magic of We

When a group of young moms died within months of each other, their husbands were left to navigate the impossible—grieving their partners while trying to show up for their kids. Clinicians Dr. Justin Yopp and Dr. Don Rosenstein saw the need for a grief support group for these widowed fathers. But when they realized none existed, they created one themselves. Justin, Don, and Kate talk about the messy, tender realities of parenting through grief and explore how to have honest conversations with kids about cancer.


LISTEN

Jayson Greene:
The Language of Grief

Jayson and Kate talk about parenting in contexts of profound grief. After the unexpected death of his first-born child, Jayson and his wife struggled with the ongoing work of grief and the decision to continue building their family in the aftermath of loss. Kate and Jayson discuss the fragility of life and the enduring power of love in heartbroken families.


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CONSIDER THIS
  1. Sherrie Westin and the Sesame Street creators encourage caregivers to be both honest and reassuring when giving kids bad news. How do you strike a balance between being truthful and being age-appropriate with the children in your life?
  2. In a world that marginalizes children who are perceived as different or difficult, the work of advocacy and empathy is crucial to connecting with children. Parents like Heather Lanier insist that their children are both whole and beautiful, while also medically-complex. How do you seek duality in your child’s story? 
  3. Grief work is at the heartbeat of our families, and engaging our own grief is as much a part of encountering our own children’s own pain. How do you make space for grief in your life as a caregiver? Where do you seek support and communities of care?